Today, is my last letter to you. Today, I won’t write out loud anymore. I’ll just think about you often, I’ll wonder how you are, how the family is, I will be hoping you’re doing wonderful and that you’re going where you need to be. I don’t think you understood how much I truly love you, how much I will always love you. I don’t think you’ll ever see how hard I tried, just to make things right even when things seemed lost. I wanted what we had to be amazing, even if it didn’t last forever. I wanted memories that would last a lifetime and now, I got that. Just not you. It’s taking me awhile to still adjust, to not talking about you or talking to you. Everyday, I want to text you. It’s a habit. Then I wonder what if I try to fix things, but then I realize, what would really change? Everything’s been different since the first time, maybe you were just my “once in a lifetime love” and that will be eventually the greatest story I will ever tell. I fell for you so hard that I know for a fact you’ll never be gone completely. A part of you will always be with me, something will always remind me of you, and I will always love you the most. But, I’m letting go. This is the longest we’ve left it, we haven’t even tried to have closure and I think that’s hurting me the most. You left saying you knew me, I have no clue what that meant. I thought I was doing the right thing by letting you be and figuring out what you needed to do and what you wanted. I was here, I was always here. I did what you said, I focused on what I needed to do. I was trying to be strong. You didn’t see that. I held that anger in for a week and became so exhausted with myself. The next week, I blamed myself. I told myself I wasn’t good enough, I told myself you were better off. Then after that, I realized I did everything I could. I was always there, I always tried to please you, I took in your pride and understood you were the way you were. I never, ever tried to change you. I never asked you to be a certain way. I accepted who you were. Even if there were parts of you that got to me, I still loved you and knew if I wanted you, I wanted ALL of you. The bad and the good. I was prepared for that forever we wanted, together. I always looked at you and saw the good, I saw everything you never saw. I talked the world of you. And even when I was jealous, love had more power over me. I trusted you, I gave you all of me. If I could change anything from the day we started talking, I’d do everything the same. I don’t regret a second of my life I shared with you. I can never hate you. If you’d call me, just to talk. I’d listen, I wouldn’t say a word unless you wanted me too. But I know you, I know we will probably never talk again. I know you’ll move along and I’ll just be another girl you’ve dated. Another chapter. One day, I’ll move on. One day, I’ll be able to hear your name without feeling empty. I’ll be able to see something that’ll remind me of you and smile. I’ll be able to hear certain songs again and not cry. I’ll be able to stop dreaming about you, just to feel your presence. Time will heal me. I will be able to wake up without looking for you. I miss you. I do and I’m sorry it ended like how it did. Thank you, for being one of the best things that ever happened to me. I wish you the best and all the happiness.
I love you, MDCG.
For infinity and beyond.